As new year approaches we all start the reflection game. With pressure-induced January ahead of us, planning habits that will help us to either forget or to foster, this strange time n-between Christmas and New Year can be fuelled by an overactive mind, coupled with anxiety caused by over indulgence, and the deflation we might feel about the season's coming to a close. The wrapping paper is no longer on the roll, or wrapped with a perfect bow, it’s screwed up and in the bin, ready for recycling.
Our thoughts aren’t facts, and when we listen to them we give them power. Power your thoughts with positivity in this little pocket of time. Filter through the noise of the media, and free your mind by thinking about your own achievements, big or small. If you’re going to review your year, think about what lessons you’ve learned about yourself and how you can be a better version of that self in the year ahead. To live a life that's not trapped by a sea of sludge, not influenced by pre calculated media messages that manipulate your head space, and aim to be free of everyone else’s thoughts and feelings and find your own happy space.
We will never feel happy by comparing our lives with that of others. Benchmarking your own life by someone else’s social media feeds, watching the insta perfection pocket of the perfect season. Living a comparable life will never give you the authentic experience you need.
This last year has been a learning curve for me, it has consolidated my opinion as to why my life has led me on this particular path. It’s easy to feel frustrated with our lives when we keep repeating the same cycles, ending with the same result. It’s only when we have the courage to change how we ‘do life’ that we get a different outcome. Our own personal journeys differ, our timings differ and that’s okay. You don’t have to conform to society’s pressure, of its pre conceived idea of achievement and happiness. Rather, stand tall, stand out and be different.
In many a blog I’ve shared the benefits of travel and living overseas. Constructing your own belief systems based on an exploration of people, cultures and values. Living apart from family and media influence you find your own, unique voice, thoughts, and way of being. I’ve always felt different, on the outside looking in, and at times I’ve thought this was a bad thing, but I have come to realise that this outer space where I live with my thoughts in is something to treasure. Freedom of mind, an expansive, limitless imagination and understanding that not everything needs to be tied up with a perfect bow. Life is messy, it’s interesting, chaotic, and that’s okay.
My revelation this year has been truly acknowledging that I deserve better. Through my own subconscious limitations I’ve repeated the same cycles over the years, resulting in my being absorbed by the happiness of others. Being an empath does that to you. Your happiness seems to be dependant on the happiness of others. When they’re happy, you can relax and your happiness kicks in, and although that seems honourable, it’s really not. Basing your own well-being on the wellness of others is never going to fill your own cup.
When I made some difficult decisions and put myself first, my life started to move differently, and freed from its usual patterns, my life moved forward in a way I’d always hoped it would, but never had. I’ve learned some important lessons this year from people that have been peppered into my life to show me what I don’t want. They told me what I deserved and they were right.
The second part of 2022 has been filled with love, adventure and being finally able to plan a future. To look forward, to look up and see the what lies ahead, instead of poking my head up for a moment whilst bobbing along in the sea of work that has both supported and restricted my movements. Yes, I’ve finally done it, I’ve met someone that I love sharing my space with, that I can truly be myself with, no smoke and no mirrors. Just me. They say when you meet the right one... you just know. I knew that I’d met my best friend, and that they made me glow from the inside, and this has been the biggest gift I’ve ever received.
I feel safe, loved, and there’s no heart beat monitor bouncing up and down that resembles the skyline of the Himalayas! My anxiety fuelled existence, coupled with choosing those that needed me over the people I needed, had led me down a rather turbulent road of short lived relationships... if you could even call them that. Settling for the highs that came quickly, followed by the enduring the long lows and living in the promise that the highs would come again. Hopeful thinking, and a penchant for ‘fixing’ others was, in fact, me settling for what I thought I deserved.
The lesson for me here was to understand what it was that I deserved, and when I did this my world moved on in leaps and bounds. There was no epiphany, it was the cumulative result of the last few years of changing and recognising what’s important and equally, what’s not.
When I met my person there weren’t fireworks, it just felt like home. It felt like home because I could be me, and their reflection, in me, made me light up. I’ve never felt this before, it’s a warmth, a slow, constant glow. I waited for that rollercoaster of feelings, intense highs and lows, but it didn’t arrive. Just a steady flow of someone else's understanding of me and what I need, without asking.
No relationship it going to be plain sailing, and there will always be bumps along the way. After all, how can you merge two souls together when they’ve spent their lives, so far, apart? Every bit of relationship advice reminds you that it’s all about communication. It really is. Timing is key, so acting immediately often isn’t the answer, but actually feeling vulnerable with someone is part of how you love. Being vulnerable, and being able to communicate your vulnerability is hard, but it’s worth it. It’s okay to be and feel vulnerable ... Brene Brown was right. Who’d have thunk it?
As I think of how far I have come this year, I’ve realised that if I hadn’t had all those failed relationships, and learned what it is that I don’t want, I’d have never have been gifted with everything I do want. For the last seven years, I’ve lived in a beautiful place, far removed from the world I knew. Miles from the comfort of my friends. Over recent weeks I’ve been enveloped into a new group of tight knit friends, whose relationships are akin to that pool of friendships I had overseas. A myriad of personalities that welcome with warmth and acceptance, and with one common thread... my person.
That invisible thread that runs through him, and his love for his friends, the family that he has chosen, is reminiscent of my friends from all over the world, those friends and soulmates that I’ve made over time. There's a thread of love that runs through us all and brings us together when it matters. My gift to my person is to introduce him to my wonderful friends over the next year, to share them with him, so he will know how it feels to be enveloped too.
People are the gifts, they’re free, and if you look carefully and you realise what you deserve, you’ll find them. Be hopeful for your new year ahead, make the plans and don’t just poke your head up, but see that amazing view from all angles. Don’t be afraid to have what you deserve, it’s not too much, you’re not too much. Drown out the noise of society, build your own opinions, thoughts and believe in your dreams.
Happy New Year!
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